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Black Aberdonian Vampires and Crisp-Thief Superstars

What do Big Jimmy the Aberdonian Bloodsucker, Big Rab the crisp-scoffing 80s action superstar, Davey Wilson, international joiner extraordinaire, spam fritters, diarrhoetic fishermen, Dundonian Darth Vader, stauner (erection) stealing aliens, Lorne sausage-obsessed American gang members, and drunken pish-gibbering demons have in common? Well, unless you’ve been on the bath salts and Buckfast and gack cocktails for too long, your answer would probably be bittersweet fuck all. But that answer doesn’t apply in the weird, wonderful, strange, deranged world of Dr Weetabix, a small gang (genuinely not sure how many) of Scottish crackpots and 80s-film-obsessed maddos, and the regular videos they post online. They’re juvenile and stupid and sleazy, but also brilliantly surreal and frequently very, very funny.

They like to do their own absurdist blackly comedic voicovers on old film clips, and have advanced from older stuff like Scottish Star Wars, with slightly ropey homosexbot dubbing, to their newest anti-epic Fallout in Scotland, their own wee video, a crazed, booze-and-bad-bastard-bating-based rip on the roleplaying videogame. They are progressing confidently in leaps and bounds, and their strange and hilarious wee self-contained world, headspinfluenced in equal parts by Vic Reeves, cheap booze and tragic head trauma, is growing steadily into an impressive army of absurd arseholes and anarchists and perverts and morons and crisp-obsessed Ahnult Schwarzeneggers. I just wanted to provide you with a few of my favourite moments, so here, in no particular order, but plenty of disorder, are…

A hilarious episode in the saga of spam-fritter-junkie vampire Big Jimmy, and his vexing bowel problems. “Ma shites fly oot quick as fuck wi aw the grease in ma sphincter!”

Brown Sauce Home Brew.


Hot Jizz Charlie.

Some of you might recognise the arthritic onanist in this one, from the poignant tearyeye 80s Yellow Pages ad. Well, Charlie’s letting his fingers do the wanking now: “It’s a very old porno…”

U.S.S Skitters.

I have a friend in Manchester, Mark, who was driving along thinking about this one randomly, and laughing so hard he was surprised he didn’t get pulled over by some cops he got sat next to at the lights. This is brilliant! “You know the thing about a man with skitters, chief? He’s got a red arse, a sore arse, like a monkey’s arse…” I am  laughing right now just writing that down.

They Have Stauners.

“They’re running the stauners show!” New World Order satire was never like this!

Anyway, that’s just a few to give you a wee taste of what to expect. Not that you will be able to really expect anything, though, so I would just suggest you get over to Vimeo (a few of their vids are on Youtube, but they keep taking them down, either for copyright infringement or public decency statutes – your guess is as good as mine) and check out their hairy-arse-bearing stare-wares. And you can tell the cops who to blame them when the inevitable Bucky-fuelled, crisp-stealing rampage ensues….

About Graham Rae

Graham Rae has been writing about weird and wonderfueled cinematic oddities for nearly 30 years. He started off writing for the legendary Deep Red, and since then has been bounced around like a human pinball around such venues as Film Threat, American Cinematographer, Cinefantastique, and Realitystudio.org.. A selection of his genre writings are available at www.facebook.com/raewrites, and he runs a Mad Foxes page on Facebook too. You have been warned.

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